DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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