So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
