my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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