i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
