Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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