I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize