is your mom at the bar?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
