I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize