i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
tell me about the eggs
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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