She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
