Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
