Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
