This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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