$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I need water and some morals
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
