please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
