So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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