Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I have fence marks all over my body
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
