I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
