Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...