I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.