Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
