I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
