Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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