bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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