he wants to bone in the snuggie
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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