Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
3 2 1 whiskey
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
