Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
