I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
