Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
