i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
