Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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