Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
