I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
