non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
