I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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