oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
