yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
