Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
