Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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