farters have to be the big spoon...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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