Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
