do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
