we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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