Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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