quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
