If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize