So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
