am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
