if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
