he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
