Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
