you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
