Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
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on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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