come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
