she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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