I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
