y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize