they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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