If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
